J.K.'s Christmas Off
by Smeargle Spence
Summary: The Big JK decides to take Christmas Break off, and guess who's her substitute? Find out! Hermione tells the school her secret! Read more! Rated PG for some odd/mental love stuff.


*Hello again! J.K. e-mailed me and told me that she's taking… CHRISTMAS BREAK OFF! Not just the day off, but a whole two weeks off! If you remember, my pen was killed by "Avada Pendavra, so I'm writing… on the computer! My pen is dead, but I used my head… Please go easy on me, not as easy as you did for the last fanfic, but a tiny smidgen harder. Oh, and one more thing— please review!*  
J.K.'S CHRISTMAS OFF  
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Herm: Well, I'm glad that theat 'Smeargle Spence' or whatever guy is gone! I mean, he had no plots whatsoever!  
Ron: I agree. But, those vellytision characters were pretty funny, eh?  
Herm: TELEVISION, Ron. Honestly, you stick out in the Muggle world like a sore thumb.  
Ron: Do I? I've never gotten a sore thumb.  
Harry: *apparates right in front of two bickering lovebirds* Hi guys! What's up?  
Herm: Ron thinks that the Smeargle Spence person was funny, and he wants him to come back.  
Me: I have!  
All: WHAT?  
Me (slowly): I have come back!  
Herm: *screams and tries to run out of closed door, therefore knocking herself out*  
Me: J.K. wanted Christmas break off. She didn't even do the "close her eyes and point" thing. She just called me up and said "Smeargle Spence, I want to take Christmas break off. Will you substitute for me?"  
Harry: This can't be happening!  
Ron: Did she call you on the fellytone?  
Herm: (wakes on sound of 'fellytone') Ron, it's 'telephone'!  
Ron: Whatever.  
Harry: This really can't be happening!  
Me: It is! * presses some buttons on keyboard, Harry freezes, and starts singing "Yellow Submarine"*  
Harry: —there lived a man, by the sea…  
Me: Funny! *makes Ron jump up and yell "Scooby Dooby Doo!" before running into the common room entrance and knocking himself out*  
Herm: Oh, no. I'm next. *runs around common room, yelling "If I'm wrong, I'll tell the whole school I like Ron!"*  
Me: *grins a grin like a cat that just swallowed a canary*  
Neville: *walks in* Hey guys, what's up?  
Me: *doubling over with laughter, managing to keep one hand on keyboard, while keeping other hand over stomach*  
Neville: Hey, Hermione, what are you screaming?  
mE: *tryz 2 type sunthing abouT "Nevill3 turNiN6 in2 a snacke*  
Neville: *turns into a bag of CheeTos*  
Me: Wow! I should type while laughing more often! I tried to turn Neville into a snake, but he's a snack! *laughs laugh and falls out of computer chair and under computer desk, and somehow manages to keep writing hand on keyboard…*  
Herm: I'm doomed! No way I'll tell the school my secret!  
Me: Oh yeah?  
FIVE HOURS LATER…  
  
Herm (in Professor Dumbledore's office): Professor, I have something to tell the whole school…  
Dumbledore: Yes?  
Herm: Well, you'll see when—and if— I tell the school at dinner tonight.  
Dumbledore: Yes, well, even though you're every teacher's pet, I'll have to say—*body goes stiff as a board, eyes glaze over, then he returns to normal and says:*—yes.  
Herm: I hate you, Smeargle Spence.  
  
AT DINNER THAT NIGHT…  
  
Professor McGonnagall:*Taps glass with spoon* Attention! Attention, all students! Miss Granger has something to—  
Professor Trelawney(entering Great Hall): Hello, my dears. I saw myself abandoning my solitary luncheon to come hear the romantic message that without the Inner Eye would tell us.  
Paravati Patil and Lavender Brown: Ooohhh! She's talking about Hermione!  
Herm: I hate you, Smeargle Spence.  
Dumbledore: Miss Granger? Your message?  
Herm: (Walks up to Teacher's Tables) I— I want to tell you that—that— that I can do the disco! *starts doing the disco*  
Me: Hermione Whatever-Your-Middle-Name-is Granger!  
Herm (cursing under breath): Actually, that isn't what I wanted to say. What I wanted to say is—is—is that I have a crush on Ron Weasley.  
Whole of school, except Ron and Draco: Ooohhh!  
Ron:*faints with giddyness*  
Draco: I knew it! I knew the Mudblood loved the Muggle lover! I knew it!  
Herm: I am seriously going to hurt you, Smeargle Spence!  
  
IS THIS THE END OF HERMIONE'S PERSONAL LIFE, AND SMEARGLE SPENCE'S REAL LIFE? FIND OUT IN "J.K.'S CHRISTMAS OFF 2! 


End file.
